Friday, August 14, 2015

welcome back

Yeah--you thought I was gone.  NOPE.

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Anastasia Markov - The Details Removed Because I'm a Dick


I hate emails. just stop it. But I gotta deal with them.  Just deal with it, man.  So, this Becka is peddling is some straight up played out horse crap.  She sends me this email, right? She asks me to write about the show, right? so, I go and listen to the music, right? The music is some middle class white chick playing acoustic guitar (that she got for x-mas) singing about love love love--real fucking original.  It's really trite and unoriginal and, well, bad!  It's like you took a large log, hollowed it out, filled it with boiling hot pitch then dipped your nuts or tits in it.  

lazy review: 
Lyrics : bad
Guitar : bad 
song structure : bad
recording style : bad 


Anyway... the following is just an email I got from someone named Beka, asking me to promote the shitty band she's representing.  But guess what, I'm blocking out the details just to be a dick.  I also commented when i could. 


Hello, 
my [MR: can't even capitalize the first letter of the sentence? Real professional Bekka] name is Becca Simas and I represent Boston based folk/punk [MR: punk my ass] singer songwriter Anastasia Markov. 

Anastasia is a rising force on the Boston music scene [MR: I don't believe that] but [MR: don't you mean and?] is returning to  where she was born and raised [MR: almost as cliche as the music] for a show this summer on . I was wondering if you could post a show announcement on your publication to raise awareness [MR: awareness?] for the event. She hasn't played a show in █ in almost six months [MR: omg omg omg] despite it being the place where she fell in love with performing [MR: I thought she was 'born and raised'], so she's expecting a pretty impressive turnout [MR: So why are you bothering me?] for the show.

Please refer to her website for a bio, links to music, videos, and recent press. 

I'm also trying to book interviews and private concerts [MR: private concerts?  WTF does that mean?  Are you coming to my appt?] leading up to the show as well as just the show announcements. If you're interested in something like this, please get back to me. [MR: i think i'll just reply with 'done']

Additionally, here is a link to the facebook event for the show set up through her music facebook fan page.  [MR: this email is going on forEVER] I've also attached a picture [MR: taken using instagram, obviously] I'd like you to use [MR; Oh you'd like me to use, huh? Forget it i wont use either! YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO] for the publication and the show flier. If you need any additional information [MR: Think i've got enough], please let me know [MR: no.]
https://www.facebook.com/events/4██████████████████████████4/

Thank you for your time, I hope to hear from you soon.

-Becca.

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Frog Eyes: A Dissection of Manipulative Marketing

The topic of the day, boys and girls, is heavy-handed marketing.  We are going to talk about how Frog Eyes uses his Dead Father to market his new album! Doesn't that sound fun? :D :D :D

Friday, July 3, 2015

Ty Segall is starting a supergroup


Now, I'm not sure if I would call ANYTHING Ty Segall does "super." But apparently he is starting a supergroup.  

Let me ask Ty something... Who do you think you are; invading our eardrums with your trite, dull, and dim-witted "music?"  Your lyrics are drivel and your image... Well you look like a petty thug who turned junky. What's your deal? 

Anyway, here is the line up:
Guitar/vox: Ty Segall
Bass: Ty Segall
Drums: Ty Segall

How is this possible, you might ask?  Well, Ty is apparently going to have everything prerecorded and use 2 52" LED tvs in place of other band members. I mean... we all knew Ty Segall was self absorbed, but who knew he'd stoop to starting a self proclaimed supergroup consisting of only him.  


Thursday, June 18, 2015

1974 & The Battle For The Lazer Fortress

I received an email from the band 1974 asking me to review their previous album.  At first I was infuriated.  I took the gun out of my desk draw and put it in my mouth and pulled the trigger 5 times...Unfortunately, it was unloaded. Rats... I guess I had to listen to another abomination. OK, Universe, you win... I acquiesce.  Here is my review: